5 nice(ish) things to say to your husband as a new parent

5 nice(ish) things to say to your husband as a new parent

It’s no secret that I’ve often been less than nice to my husband these past 4 months of being a new parent.

Since having our daughter, we’ve struggled together through the sleepless nights, never-ending days and mounds of bodily fluids. We’ve cursed and we’ve sworn and we’ve personified evil. We’ve pretty much torn each other to shreds.

In all honesty, our slagging matches could rival those of even the bitchiest of 15 year old girls.

So in a bid to be kinder and to reclaim common ground, I’ve come up with 5 nice things I can say to him instead of, ‘shut up d***head’.

husband as new parent

 

You look so sexy smeared in poo

This one is a guaranteed winner. Every husband wants to know that despite struggling as a new parent, he still looks manly and hot. What better time to convey this to him when he’s knee-deep in a sh*t-storm? Ego booster and (hopefully) repeat poo-cleaner sorted!

It really turns me on when a man washes up

Totally for his benefit. Completely. OK, maybe it has a slight slant to it to work in your favour, but it’ll make him feel like a dish-washing hero.

You don’t look as old and weary as you did last week

Week by week, things are bound to get better for any new parent. This, in turn, will make you both look and feel better. So celebrate this fact by pointing it out. In front of his friends and family. They’ll all love you for it.

The baby has your little toe

We all know your little cutie-pie is the spitting image of you and you only. They have your eyes, nose, elbows and bottoms. They just do. It’s how life goes. But poor old Daddy needs something to recognise as his own. After all, you don’t want him getting suspicious now, do you? So the little toe is a great place to start. It’s the mini-est of miniature sausages and resembles absolutely nothing. Let him have it. Go on…

Go f*** yourself

Now, this could be misconstrued as being a nasty thing to say to your loved one. But fear not, it holds a double-entendre that is sure to make him happy. When he looks at you in shock, simply smile and say – you know what I mean. Give a little wink, then sashay off. Works like a charm. After all, as a new parent, he’s the only person he’s going to be getting lucky with anyway.

So there you have it – 5 completely practical ways to make your husband feel like the best man in the world. I’d recommend throwing these in after every ‘kn*b-jockey’ or ‘a**-wipe’ comment, just to level the playing field and keep him sweet.

If you have any more tips to share with me, I’m all ears. The tw*t-flaps won’t know what’s hit him!

husband as new parent

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27 Comments

  1. April 1, 2017 / 8:18 am

    Ha ha ha the perfect nice things to say to your husband! I have actually used a variety of the you less old and weary, with I’m sure you have less grey hair now (because you have less hair) #blogstravaganza

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 1, 2017 / 8:31 am

      HAhaha! Omg this is definitely one to keep under my belt for when the ultimate “compliment” is required!

  2. April 1, 2017 / 8:19 am

    Lol love it, what a funny way to write down the reality of parenting, nice way to start the day with a giggle:)
    Mainy
    #blogstravaganza

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 1, 2017 / 8:32 am

      Thank you, glad you enjoyed it (my husband is probably less glad) x

  3. April 1, 2017 / 4:10 pm

    Hilarious! It’s so tough early on….

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 1, 2017 / 4:11 pm

      Swearing helps… 😉

  4. April 1, 2017 / 6:08 pm

    Haha this is amazing! Thankyou for a well needed giggle. This totally sounds like my partner & I. We are constantly cussing each other but now it has just turned into a joke thing xx

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 1, 2017 / 6:27 pm

      Haha I’m totally joking…sort of…not at all 😂

  5. hayleyrd
    April 1, 2017 / 9:20 pm

    This is brilliant! Me and my hubby try to make light of all situations in our house I generally swear at him, and he follows with ‘and I love you too’ – might tell him he looks so sexy while he loads the dishwasher 😂

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 2, 2017 / 12:40 pm

      Haha thank you – it totally works!

  6. April 1, 2017 / 11:50 pm

    Hahaha! That’s brilliant!!! So glad it isn’t just me and my hubby although I must say he’s a bit more composed with his swearing whereas I don’t mince my words! x

  7. April 2, 2017 / 7:05 am

    These are all totally awesome, but particularly the last one! I mean, what nicer thing can a girl do then give her man the ok to have some “me and my hand” time? What a sacrifice! To let him off the hook while you hold down the fort! Totally selfless 🙂
    #Blogstravaganza

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 2, 2017 / 12:41 pm

      Selfless is my middle name 😉

  8. April 2, 2017 / 12:35 pm

    Ahahaha, brilliant! I was expecting this so be a soppy post and I ended up giggling all the way through! I’m still laughing! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 2, 2017 / 12:42 pm

      Thank you – glad I made you smile!

  9. April 4, 2017 / 1:19 pm

    Completely not what I was expecting!!! Very funny and not soppy!!! #marvmondays

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 4, 2017 / 1:35 pm

      Haha thank you – I like to surprise 🙂 and swear apparently 😉

  10. April 8, 2017 / 11:55 pm

    Literally the best thing I’ve read in a while! So pleased to read that its not just me and my Mr lobbing vitriol at each other since the little ones came along. The other week I told mine that he looked hot whilst he was putting up some shelves, lets just say he was super motivated to get all the DIY I wanted done that weekend 😉 Hilarious post, thanks for sharing it on #MarvMondays. Emily

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 9, 2017 / 8:51 am

      Haha yaaaay proof that it works! I’ll use you in my next case study 😉 thank you x

  11. April 27, 2017 / 4:52 pm

    You’re crazy! 😀 I laughed my ass off reading this. I could just imagine the look on my face if my wife have told me “Go f*** yourself” 😀 I would be like, what did I do wrong. 😀

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 28, 2017 / 5:40 pm

      Haha so you wouldn’t love it?

    • muffintopmummyblog
      June 21, 2017 / 11:12 pm

      Haha let me know how it goes… 😂

      • June 22, 2017 / 1:10 pm

        I told him to go fuck himself and he was too hurt for me to sashay away he just asked “why” 😂

        • muffintopmummyblog
          June 22, 2017 / 1:26 pm

          😂 oh bum! Maybe I should rethink that part then…

          • June 22, 2017 / 1:30 pm

            Nah I’ll try again later, I think I just timed it wrong, he was cleaning the kitchen when I said it haha

          • muffintopmummyblog
            June 22, 2017 / 1:33 pm

            Hahaha ah gotta get those timings right 🙈

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