I know I’ve changed since I had a baby, so who am I now?
This is something I’ve been thinking about quite a lot recently.
Before my little
darling terror was born, I was bumbling along just fine. More than fine, I was pretty sorted – relationship, career and life-wise. But inevitably, everything changed 4 short months ago.
Like it or not, motherhood changes us. Priorities shift, bodies morph and brains melt to mush.
But great things will also inevitably come from growing and nurturing another being. Love, first and foremost. Always love. But the deeper aspects of ourselves too. Sometimes even aspects we never anticipated.
So, what has changed since I had a baby?
I’m the assertive one
I used to be worried about attending face-to-face meetings, answering the phone (to anyone) or even speaking my mind. As a push-over, I’d agree with everything anyone said for an easy life. I wouldn’t ask for what I wanted; I’d simply take what was offered (usually apologetically). I’m guessing this stemmed from insecurity – always being worried about what other people might think of me.
Now I’m a mother, I don’t give a toss. My daughter is my most important priority and so everything else seems to pale in comparison. As long as she thinks I’m the greatest human being alive, I’m happy. And so I’ve found that I can easily do the big, scary things I used to spend hours fretting over without a second thought. I say how I feel and I get shit done. Thanks babygirl, I needed that kick in the butt.
I’m the go-getter
I’ve always dreamed of writing, but that’s all it’s ever been; a dream. I’d regularly declare that I would start a blog or write a book, but gave up on the idea 5 minutes later. I decided I wasn’t as good as everyone else doing it, so gave up before I’d even started. I was such a knob-head.
You’ll never be as good as everyone else if you don’t even start! That’s the easy way out. Once again, since my daughter’s is the only opinion I care about, it doesn’t matter if everyone else hates my blog. I want to do it, so I’ll damn well do it.
I’m the adaptable one
My body has changed since I had a baby. I didn’t believe people when they told me it would (idiot, I know!). I ate and I ate and I thought I’d bounce right back to my size 10 jeans. Ha bloody ha. What was I thinking!?
It took me a while to accept that I looked different to my pre-baby self. It’s taking me even longer to accept I may never fully get back there. The good news is I’m already a stone down (yay!), with another stone and a half to go, along with some serious toning. The bad news is I can barely stand to look in the mirror. I’m nearly 27 and feel like I’ve already lost my sparkle somewhere along the journey – perhaps it’s in the washing pile under all the shit-stained babygrows?
But I have faith that I’ll get there and I’ll get it back. I’ve accepted where I am now and where I’ve come from. That’s something I never thought I’d do.
I’m eternal patience
Seriously, I thought I was as patient as a hypochondriac at a doctors surgery. Turns out, I have endless reserves of the stuff.
Four hour nursery rhyme sesh to coax her to nap? Sure thing! Fetching her dummy for the fifty-thousandth time of pulling it out and then crying at 2am? Why not!? Walking in a circle round the kitchen with aching arms because she has demanded to be carried like superwoman for an hour straight? I’d bloody love to!
I don’t know where it comes from, but I sure hope it sticks around because I have a feeling I’m only going to need it more as the months roll by!
I’m the determined one
I want my baby to have the best life imaginable (don’t we all?). For this reason, I know I will succeed at giving it to her. Of course there’ll be hurdles, I’m not naive, but I will do everything in my power to overcome them and push forward. I’ve never had such a strong driving-force behind me as I do now. I pity the fools that stand in my way.
So who am I now?
I’ve changed since I had a baby. I’m the very best version of myself. The one I couldn’t quite muster before I had a reason to. And I will continue to change and grow as she does – I’m sure of it. Why? Because beforehand, I lived for me. Now, I live for the greatest human being on the planet.
Have you changed in any different ways that you weren’t expecting? Let me know below – I’d love to hear from you!