What to expect on a night out with a new mummy

What to expect on a night out with a new mummy

A few weekends ago, I went on my first proper night out since I had my daughter.Β 

My sisters are still young and vibrant (well, we’re all in our twenties but as the eldest, I feel old) and wanted to take me out dancing. Since the husband is happy to look after baby by himself, I thought why the hell not?

So off I toddled, thinking it’d be just like the old, pre-baby days of getting pissed and trying to avoid heading home with a drunken stranger. I’m joking, I’m joking!Β A sober stranger would do (seriously husband-dear, I am joking!).

But it wasn’t quite the same.

In fact, it was completely different. Who knew that having a baby would totally change your hedonistic tenancies? You all did? Just me then…

So here’s some advice for anyone taking a new mother on a night out for the first time…

They will struggle to get sexy enough for a night out

Most (all) of my partying outfits are currently screwed up in a bin bag labelled ‘does not fit the fat cow‘. Well, they aren’t actually labelled that but they should be. I had literally nothing to wear. Everything I tried on just didn’t look the same with the lingering muffin top.

Pre-baby, my aim for a night out was to look sexy. This time, I was desperately attempting anything the right side of ‘had a wash sometime recently‘. My sexy is no-where to be seen at the moment. Thank f*** for my sister who produced a gorgeous pink dress that didn’t cling to the wrong places.

I knew it’d all be OK when my youngest sister saw me and proclaimed in utter shock, ‘OMG, you actually look really nice‘. Considering she’d seen me twice earlier in the day, I’m guessing I’d scrubbed up well.

They are a cheap date

At least 9 months of being teetotal is great for a money-saving night out.

I was hyped up on a couple of proseccos and an unsolicited tequila shot. That was all I needed to have a lovely, tipsy time. There’s no way as a parent that I was going to get hammered. I can’t even bear the thought of being hungover with a baby. It gives me the creeps.

I also found something rather shocking. In the old days, I’d have pushed to the front of the bar, elbows out, to get our drinks. Apparently having a baby strips you of the desire to be so unsavoury. Instead, I actually directed the barman to another girl beside me to order first since she wasn’t paying attention. She was probably more shocked than if I’d slapped her in the face. I gave myself a mental high-five for the slap of kindness.

They’ll get excited when theyΒ actuallyΒ know the songs

I’m not down with the latest clubbing tunes anymore. Possibly because I call them tunes.

I spent the night alternating between dancing excitedly to every song I knew and standing still in a strop to every one I didn’t. Drunk me doesn’t like dancing to songs I don’t know. And there were quite a few. It’s hard to keep up with all the recent clubbing tracks when you don’t go clubbing.

I did still enjoy dancing despite this set-back. I’d been so worried that I’d forgotten how to dance – even practicing in my sister’s kitchen beforehand. Turns out, I needn’t have worried. Once I got onto the dance floor, I slipped right back into my groove and loudly declared, ‘I’ve still got it‘, to my amused siblings.

They’ll tire swiftly and want to go to bed

Don’t expect to be partying until 6am.

After a strong 30 minutes of dancing, I was pretty much ready to call it a night. I used to wander home in the early hours with the company of morning bird-song. Now, I wander home with the company of drunken revellers just beginning their night out.

Sleep features pretty highly on my list of priorities nowadays. So while it was great to let my hair down for the first time in a long while, it was even better to slip into bed afterwards.

They’ll spend the late night trip to McDonald’s sobbing into their chips

You will want to discuss the events of the night over a Big Mac and milkshake.

However, if the mother is staying away from her baby for the night, there is no hope. The minute she leaves the club and remembers that there’s a life outside, she’ll want her baby. She’ll miss her baby more than you’d miss your right arm if you left it at home for the night.

I decided more than once that I’d walk home (a good 2 hour trek) in the middle of the night to go and see my daughter. Who would be asleep. And who wouldn’t want a drunken mummy waking her up. Thankfully, my sisters talked me out of it. But they had to put up with a lot of moaning until the morning. Sorry ladies.

So that is what I would like you to expect when you take a new mummy on her first night out. She’ll have an absolute blast (hopefully), but be gentle as it’ll all feel very different from what she’s used to.

Is there anything you think I’ve missed? Let me know in the comments below!

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  1. April 14, 2017 / 1:06 pm

    Haha, so true! Nothing to wear and no desire to get drunk anymore, but you do anyway because you can no longer hold your liquor. I’m there every time I try to go out anymore! #ablogginggoodtime

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 14, 2017 / 3:45 pm

      Haha it’s embarrassing how easy it is to get drunk isn’t it!?

  2. April 14, 2017 / 9:33 pm

    hehehe! I remember my first night out after having my girl….I was so sensible then got drunk and cried that I missed her so much….
    Now my girls are 14 & 9 and I go out about once every 6 months and I party like I’m 18 again. lol I do pay for it the next day though.

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 14, 2017 / 9:47 pm

      πŸ‘πŸ» yesss I can’t wait for the day I can party like I’m 18!! And then feel dead the next day without worrying about someone’s poo πŸ˜‚

  3. April 15, 2017 / 7:40 am

    I was exactly the same when I had my daughter, the first night I had away from her I called my partner in floods of tears at 1am wanting to come home! It gets easier…she’s 3 now and I look forward to a night out now…I’ve got one later actually! Great post x #blogstravaganza

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 15, 2017 / 7:46 am

      Woohoo! Have a great night πŸ’ƒπŸ»

  4. April 15, 2017 / 8:48 am

    Sadly my ability to drink alcohol has just got worse as I’ve got older too lol. Even more sadly, the recovery from hangover is in days not hours as well. They should put that as a warning in parenting classes. A great post, it made me smile! #ThatFridayLinky

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 15, 2017 / 9:06 am

      Thank you! I know – I think NCT should have a whole session dedicated to postpartum alcohol consumption & hangovers πŸ˜‚ ‘how to to put a nappy on when the room is spinning’ x

  5. Daydreamer mum
    April 15, 2017 / 11:33 am

    aaaww this is so lovely , and very true!! My youngest is almost 9 but I STILL (well bar a couple of dodgy nights with my sister) find myself going for the last train home and getting home and cosy after a night out (more like late afternoon actually I’m still in my pjs by 11!) #ablogginggoodtime

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 15, 2017 / 11:51 am

      Hahaha late afternoon – I love it!

  6. April 15, 2017 / 2:39 pm

    Haha, this made me giggle! These days I hardly recognise the songs when I put the radio on, never mind on a night out! Hope you had a fab time lovely! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 15, 2017 / 3:03 pm

      πŸ˜‚ tell me about it – i can feel the classic old lady line of ‘but it’s just noise’ brewing inside me!

  7. themomproviser
    April 15, 2017 / 5:06 pm

    Omg. I am the cheapest of cheap dates! I not only get drunk after 1/2 glass of beer, but I also pretty much always take 1/2 my food as leftovers in case of a hungry baby emergency the next day (or in case baby wakes up to nurse and that makes me hungry in the middle of the night)! Also, I have no sexy clothes anymore. I don’t even bother with heels…

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 15, 2017 / 5:07 pm

      Oh heels! I miss those little devils, but it’s just not worth it is it πŸ˜‚

  8. April 15, 2017 / 8:03 pm

    This is such a good read! So brilliantly and hilariously written! I had my Son at 18 so my first night out was prebaby and I find all of these to be true! Keighley (makeupandmummydays.com) xx

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 15, 2017 / 8:30 pm

      Haha thank you 😊

  9. April 15, 2017 / 8:04 pm

    Haha! I can imagine most, if not all, of these would apply to me if I was to go on a ‘night out’ now. Since becoming a parent two years ago a night out hasn’t crossed my mind if I’m honest – sleep is far too important! πŸ™‚ #Blogstravaganza

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 15, 2017 / 8:31 pm

      Yes, sleep was sorely missed! I thought I might be missing out…I’m not!

  10. diynige
    April 17, 2017 / 3:25 pm

    Yep babies definitely alter the social life hangovers with kids are really not good lol fab post Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 17, 2017 / 5:49 pm

      Will do 😊

  11. Mom Of Two Little Girls
    April 17, 2017 / 6:33 pm

    Aw bless … we’e all been there. Eventually you will find a happy medium between the two. #ablogginggoodtime

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 17, 2017 / 6:34 pm

      Just have to keep trying…could be fun πŸ˜‰

  12. April 18, 2017 / 10:37 am

    Been there – done that – so true! #TheListLinky

  13. April 19, 2017 / 12:11 pm

    Ha yes! I still wear ‘mumsy’ clothes and my girls are 5! I’m struggling to get back into ‘non-mummy’ clothes! Hope you had a good night out! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 19, 2017 / 12:41 pm

      Haha I love it! Thank you 😊

  14. April 19, 2017 / 8:53 pm

    yup this would be me. I have no babysitter so have not tried it but think this describes perfectly xx
    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 19, 2017 / 9:13 pm

      Haha! Thank you for having me 😊

  15. April 20, 2017 / 4:49 pm

    I’d rather stay in than go out these days – too tired! #thelistlinky

    • muffintopmummyblog
      April 20, 2017 / 7:45 pm

      Haha yes, I do agree – this experiment confirmed that for me!

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