1st May 2017
Last week, I kicked off a new series, all about finding the perfect Muffin Top diet to help shed the bulk of the baby weight before the summer. If you missed the first installment, you can catch it here.
Week One results
(Drum roll please) Sooo this week, I have lost a grand total of….. zilch. Nada. Not a damn sausage.
I literally worked my over-sized behind off and couldn’t wait to step on those scales this morning, only to be bitterly disappointed. The number read exactly as it did last week – as if someone had drawn them on to spite me and my hard work.
What went wrong? Let’s have a think about that shall we…
What did I do wrong?
Last week, I stayed true to my word and ate a bowl of Special K for breakfast and lunch everyday. On my fasting days, I ate only one bowl. I then hungrily devoured a healthy-ish meal in the evenings.
On top of this barbaric torture, I also completed week one of Kayla Itsines’ Bikini Body Guide. The guide was my bible on the run up to my wedding. This week however, it was my tormentor – but I struggled through it. On top of the circuit training days, I went for long, speedy walks and even a sexy little jog.
So why the f*** did the scales defy me?
I’m pretty sure that when I look in the mirror, things have started to tighten up a bit. Except when I look in the Primark changing rooms mirror. I think they shipped them in from a carnival as I was all sorts of funny shapes in there. It even made me believe that the size 12 jeans I was trying on didn’t fit. And I swear, it was definitely the mirror and not the fact they wouldn’t even pull up over my bum.
I think the problem may be twofold. Of course, with all the squatting and pressing and crunching, I must have packed on a great deal of muscle (haha, sure thing) which is denser than fat. Everyone knows that little nugget of denial.
The second problem lies in the Special K idea. Trouble is, I think my bowls were a tad too big and I over-compensated with my dinner portions. I thought I was being a saint, but from the looks of it, I was a massive cereal sinner.
So it didn’t work, what next?
This week, I shall undoubtedly continue with my Bikini Body Guide workouts. These bad boys are the key to MILF-hood.
In terms of food, I’ll stick to the 5:2 as per usual, but sod off am I eating endless cereal with no reward. Instead, I’ll be munching on ‘Mug shots’ for lunch and then aiming for less of a mountain of food for dinner.
If things don’t improve, I might consider going low-carb in the next few weeks (I’ll keep you posted), but the last time I tried it, I felt like I was dying. Salad, fruit and all things healthy (when eaten without carbs) gives me cramps like you wouldn’t believe. And self-induced IBS just isn’t a hot look.
So diary, cheers to this coming week – wish me luck, I’m going to need it!
Love and muffin tops,