The business of doing your business

The business of doing your business

Yes, I’m talking about that business.

I’m not sure many people blog about poo, but they should. Finding members of civilised society willing to talk about their toilet habits is no easy feat. I think most people would rather watch Peppa Pig on a never-ending loop while wading through eternal baby spew than admit that they empty their bowels.

But not me.


I love to talk about poo. I’ve no idea why. I guess I just enjoy exploring the mystery that surrounds it. How many times do people go a day? Would you ever go in public? Does the Queen actually ever go? (I literally can’t imagine it. Yes, I’ve tried.)

But if we don’t talk about it, how can we know what’s normal and what’s not? And when I say ‘ not normal’, I mean the kind of shit (ha) that can be dangerous. I’m talking Crohns, Colitis or even Cancer. All very nasty diseases that still don’t get the kind of everyday recognition and open discussion they need. When celebrities share their stories, we get it. When Susan dashes to the Tesco’s disabled toilets, we don’t.

Although I’ve been tested for IBD, I (thankfully) don’t have it. But even me, Mrs loves-the-poo-talk, put off going to the doctors despite a load of pain and strange happenings. Simply because I didn’t fancy sharing my toilet tales with another human being.

Let's Talk about Poo and Toilet Habits

Credit: Pixabay

But there is one human I don’t mind sharing it with

This admission has generated a hugely divisive discussion amoungst my closest friends.

Some of us are more than happy to leave the bathroom door open at home. Others wouldn’t dream of doing so. Even though they’ve been with their partners for years.

Which reminds me, for some reason, of the poor women who get up extra early to fix their hair and make-up before their partner wakes up in the morning. It’s so much effort. And for what? Surely when you’ve been together long enough, the mystery has all but dissolved in a bucket of puke during a particularly nasty hangover? Or when you just couldn’t be bothered to shave (anything). Or perhaps when you launched a human being out of your lady parts?

Or perhaps not

Maybe there really are people who hold all of this back. Their significant other only ever sees the glossy, glowing side to them. The side that is always clean, groomed and never, ever lets out a cheeky trump for a laugh. The thought of even discussing the darker side to life – spots, stretchmarks, shit – has them quaking in their kitten heels.

(I’m joking – like I said, some of my friends are in the closed-door camp.)

Either way, the mystery fizzled out many moons ago for my poor husband. But that’s why I love him. We don’t just keep the door open, we make it an event. Come in and discuss life with me. Let’s bond over our mutual need to empty our bowels today. 

And that openness is what I thrive on. It makes me strong and it makes me happy. I know that someone that was once a stranger is now the man I share everything with. Even bathroom space.

In fact, my true test of knowing if you really love someone has always been to answer ‘yes’ to one essential question… If your partner broke both their arms (which can totes happen FYI), would you be willing to wipe their bum for them? Think about it, in old age, it could totally become a possibility.

So should you share your ‘business’ with the world?

If you feel like it, go for it!

But in honesty. all I’m trying to get at is that we shouldn’t be ashamed. Poo doesn’t need to be hushed away like some dirty little secret (sorry, I can’t help the puns!).

Being more open about it could really help someone when they feel too embarrassed to ask for advice.

Although if an open-door policy in your household is a bit too much, I totally understand. Well, I sort of understand. Well, just open the bloomin’ door and be proud of your poop!

In all honesty, I’d love to know your thoughts on all things toilet-related! As I’ve said multiple times in this post, I’m partial to a poo discussion, so indulge me!








  1. May 10, 2017 / 5:59 pm

    “I love to talk about poo” excellent! haha

    • muffintopmummyblog
      May 10, 2017 / 7:21 pm

      😂 is there a better subject in the world!?

  2. May 11, 2017 / 12:52 am

    This really made me laugh! You would love my job. I literally talk about nothing but poo at work all day long & when I have finished talking about it, I examine it, put cameras up bottoms and look at it, then work round it to remove bits of bowel. On a really lucky day I may get to remove a giant poo-baby from a mega constipated person. And I would conclude – whether you talk about it or not, make sure you take notice of what is normal for your bowels and if they change, pay attention and go see a doctor!

    • muffintopmummyblog
      May 11, 2017 / 7:41 am

      Hahaha this is brilliant!! You lucky thing 😝

  3. May 11, 2017 / 1:40 am

    Love this! I find myself talking about the topic more and more as my kids get older.

    • muffintopmummyblog
      May 11, 2017 / 7:43 am

      I guess it’s inevitable with children and all the weird and wonderful things they do 😂

  4. May 11, 2017 / 1:46 am

    We don’t talk about poo at all.. Of course, we talk about it very openly as it relates to the kids. Don’t have anything against poo talk, though!

    • muffintopmummyblog
      May 11, 2017 / 7:44 am

      Hahaha 😂

  5. May 11, 2017 / 9:41 am

    I love talking about poo. Me and my best friend talk about poo all the time. But, I’d never ever leave the door open. Even though I’ll happily tell husband about it after. I like the privacy! And, I can only do it at home. Ever. This is a problem that once led to my Mum going to a greek pharmacy and attempting to ask an old non English speaking greek lady for laxatives. #coolmumclub

    • muffintopmummyblog
      May 11, 2017 / 9:55 am

      Ah bless you! I’ve heard loads of people can’t go in public (not literally in public obvs 😂) – it must be so hard on long trips!

      • May 11, 2017 / 10:03 am

        Haha! It really is. I don’t feel like I need it though if that makes sense? Until one day I’m dying!

  6. May 11, 2017 / 11:06 am

    Lol we definitely spend an unhealthy amount of time discussing it these days; around 50% of my texts to J seem to be discussing the contents of Miss O’s nappies! #CoolMumClub

    • muffintopmummyblog
      May 11, 2017 / 11:07 am

      It just becomes a way of life doesn’t it!? 😂

  7. May 11, 2017 / 9:45 pm

    I have to say this is one place and event I like to have to myself! And I’m bloody well keeping it that way even after 12 years!
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

    • muffintopmummyblog
      May 11, 2017 / 10:02 pm

      Hahaha fair play to you 😂

  8. May 13, 2017 / 1:03 pm

    I’ve always been a door closed person, and there was a time when I wouldn’t discuss it – but since becoming a mum (the door is still closed) but I’ll quite happily have a chat through the wall and announce that I’m having a poo haha! My partner is the same. We both just accept that the door is closed when we poo. But I don’t talk to anyone else about it really! I talk about my kids poo a lot though lol! Becky x

    • muffintopmummyblog
      May 13, 2017 / 1:45 pm

      Haha is it sad that I’m really interested in hearing these stories of if people do/don’t close the door!? I love it!

  9. May 17, 2017 / 5:18 pm

    The door remains firmly closed in our house! #coolmumclub

    • muffintopmummyblog
      May 17, 2017 / 5:27 pm

      Haha turns out, that seems to be the popular vote!

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