Yes, I’m talking about that business.
I’m not sure many people blog about poo, but they should. Finding members of civilised society willing to talk about their toilet habits is no easy feat. I think most people would rather watch Peppa Pig on a never-ending loop while wading through eternal baby spew than admit that they empty their bowels.
But not me.
I love to talk about poo. I’ve no idea why. I guess I just enjoy exploring the mystery that surrounds it. How many times do people go a day? Would you ever go in public? Does the Queen actually ever go? (I literally can’t imagine it. Yes, I’ve tried.)
But if we don’t talk about it, how can we know what’s normal and what’s not? And when I say ‘ not normal’, I mean the kind of shit (ha) that can be dangerous. I’m talking Crohns, Colitis or even Cancer. All very nasty diseases that still don’t get the kind of everyday recognition and open discussion they need. When celebrities share their stories, we get it. When Susan dashes to the Tesco’s disabled toilets, we don’t.
Although I’ve been tested for IBD, I (thankfully) don’t have it. But even me, Mrs loves-the-poo-talk, put off going to the doctors despite a load of pain and strange happenings. Simply because I didn’t fancy sharing my toilet tales with another human being.
But there is one human I don’t mind sharing it with
This admission has generated a hugely divisive discussion amoungst my closest friends.
Some of us are more than happy to leave the bathroom door open at home. Others wouldn’t dream of doing so. Even though they’ve been with their partners for years.
Which reminds me, for some reason, of the poor women who get up extra early to fix their hair and make-up before their partner wakes up in the morning. It’s so much effort. And for what? Surely when you’ve been together long enough, the mystery has all but dissolved in a bucket of puke during a particularly nasty hangover? Or when you just couldn’t be bothered to shave (anything). Or perhaps when you launched a human being out of your lady parts?
Or perhaps not
Maybe there really are people who hold all of this back. Their significant other only ever sees the glossy, glowing side to them. The side that is always clean, groomed and never, ever lets out a cheeky trump for a laugh. The thought of even discussing the darker side to life – spots, stretchmarks, shit – has them quaking in their kitten heels.
(I’m joking – like I said, some of my friends are in the closed-door camp.)
Either way, the mystery fizzled out many moons ago for my poor husband. But that’s why I love him. We don’t just keep the door open, we make it an event. Come in and discuss life with me. Let’s bond over our mutual need to empty our bowels today.
And that openness is what I thrive on. It makes me strong and it makes me happy. I know that someone that was once a stranger is now the man I share everything with. Even bathroom space.
In fact, my true test of knowing if you really love someone has always been to answer ‘yes’ to one essential question… If your partner broke both their arms (which can totes happen FYI), would you be willing to wipe their bum for them? Think about it, in old age, it could totally become a possibility.
So should you share your ‘business’ with the world?
If you feel like it, go for it!
But in honesty. all I’m trying to get at is that we shouldn’t be ashamed. Poo doesn’t need to be hushed away like some dirty little secret (sorry, I can’t help the puns!).
Being more open about it could really help someone when they feel too embarrassed to ask for advice.
Although if an open-door policy in your household is a bit too much, I totally understand. Well, I sort of understand. Well, just open the bloomin’ door and be proud of your poop!
In all honesty, I’d love to know your thoughts on all things toilet-related! As I’ve said multiple times in this post, I’m partial to a poo discussion, so indulge me!