I sound bloody lovely from the title of this post, don’t I!?
It’s not so much that I don’t want lots of friends… actually, hold up a second… maybe it is.
I can’t handle too many people. Or obligations, or being too nice, or obsessing over whether they actually like me, or wondering if I’m a bit boring.
It’s all a bit of a ball-ache compared to watching Netflix with a trusty bar of chocolate on my happy little lonesome.
I’m shit with friendship
I have a close-knit bunch of about six friends from my school-days and I’m fiercely loyal to them, despite their frequent piss-taking. With blogging for example – I’ve become a bit of a laughing stock because I’m having a crack at being ‘famous’. Yep, they’ve got no idea, right?
But these ladies know me like no other. I can’t get away with anything because we’ve grown up and faced the world together. Making roughly around a million mistakes as we did.
Having said that, I now live in the middle of the country and they are all nice and settled down South in the town we came from (big up Chichester!). This means they can meet up easily, but it’s a juicy 3 hour drive for me. I can hardly pop down for the odd glass of bubbly, but I make the effort when it counts.
And until recently, that’s largely where my friend list stopped.
Because I’m a massive flake
I hold my hands up here. I’m the flakiest flake you ever did meet.
I’m the sort of idiot that’ll make a plan with you, panic that I’m going to bore your socks off and then cancel at the last minute – never to be heard from again. It’s not that I don’t like you or value your friendship, it’s simply that I’m crap at being a friend.
Take my Uni friends as an example. I still love them dearly and often look back on all the memories we shared. But I allow time and distance to get in the way and so have drifted off into my own little void. We speak occasionally, but I don’t enjoy the close bond that we once shared.
It’s much safer to not even bother cultivating friendships than to flake out on people further down the line. So for a long time, I gave up entirely. But I soon found that relying on the companionship of six busy ladies, hundreds of miles away, while raising a new family wasn’t exactly feasible.
So I’m learning how to make friends again
Becoming a mother has given me a kick up the bum that I never expected.
I went along to NCT classes purely because I was told I probably should. I informed my husband beforehand that although people go to make ‘mum-friends’, I don’t do friends and so was just going for the experience.
And as expected, I didn’t feel the ‘bond’ of the group instantly. We all seemed guarded and unsure. Four couples all there for the same reason, but not wanting to appear too eager.
I left the classes excited to hear about the birth of the babies, but not particularly hopeful that I’d ever see them again.
And then something amazing happened.
We all had our little bundles of joy, and suddenly, it was like we were free to be ourselves. We ventured out, met up and found that sharing the joys and woes of first-time motherhood over a cup of coffee (and lots of chocolate) was exactly what we needed.
Where I hadn’t been sure if we had anything in common before, I soon found that actually, we all relate to one another with ease. And even more exciting, some of us share the same passions (like the lovely Life with Atty – my blogging bosom buddy).
And just like that, I have four new friends. Who I have yet to flake out on.
OK, so I might not be Mrs Popular just yet, but actually making new connections with people is a pretty big deal to me. They say a lot of bloggers are introverts and I’d certainly put myself on that list.
But regardless of whether I have the grand total of ten friends or ten thousand – it’s making sure that I connect with them and stick around that is important to me.
Are you any good at making (and keeping) friends? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!