I didn’t mean to.
I tripped, fell and pressed ‘send‘ on the text that told my sister to add me to her spontaneous summer holiday booking.
For four days and four nights. To Majorca. Without the baby.
And now, I’m having a mini breakdown.
What on earth was I thinking!? I miss my baby when I pop to the next room for a wee. Granted, she couldn’t care less if I was there or not. But we’re working on that…
The truth is, I’m not worried about her.
I’m worried about me
Moo has Daddy all to herself – and as her father, I’ve got no qualms about leaving him to fly solo for five days. In fact, I’m looking forward to him discovering how intense it really is. It might stop him from occasionally tutting when he discovers the washing up hasn’t been tackled, again.
Plus, she is absolutely crazy about her Dad, so I’m pretty sure she’ll be over the moon to spend so much time with him. Well, as over the moon as a 9 month old baby can be. An eye-gouge here and a hair tug there ought to show her appreciation well enough.
No, I’m not concerned about her well-being one bit.
I’m worried that she won’t miss me.
I have a horrible, sneaky suspicion that I’ll spend those four nights sobbing into my sangria about how much it’s killing me being away from my baby. (Yes, you could argue I’m the idiot that booked the holiday, but I told you – it was AN ACCIDENT!) All the while, she’ll be merrily playing with Daddy and Grandma and her Auntie – none the wiser that mummy isn’t there.
I should probably be grateful that she doesn’t need me. I know a few other mothers who wouldn’t even be able to consider going away for a few hours, let alone days, because of the attachment their baby has with them. I’m proud that she’s so fiercely independent.
But as I’ve spoken about before on the blog, I also have a selfish need for her to want me.
After all, isn’t mummy supposed to be a baby’s world?
I might be at the centre of her world, but she’s more than happy to orbit off to all the other planets. It’s just something I have to accept. And that I’m starting to come to respect. She doesn’t NEED me, which means when I get a snuggle it’s because she WANTS me. I appreciate all the times she reaches out for me or looks around to check I’m there. It gives me the warm and fuzzies.
I’m hoping that a brief trip away won’t ignite that desperation for mummy, but will instead give me a little perspective. Being totally fine apart from her and knowing she’s safe and happy will no doubt inspire gratitude. I’ll see my contented baby for what she is – a strong, independent blessing. A bad-ass, if you will.
So really, all there is left to worry about is my bottom. Most notably, the size of it. Yes, I know I’ve drivelled on about being comfortable in your own skin – and I totally am. But nothing says ‘step away from the chocolate’ like the need to bikini shop in 2 weeks!
I’ll let you know how my final push to ditch the baby weight goes… I might even share a cheeky snap on Insta. Oh, you lucky lot!
Have you ever accidentally gone away without your little one/s? Let me know how it went in the comments!