Anyone who reads my blog regularly (hey you gorgeous human) will know that I’m in the throes of trying not to be a selfish mother.
It’s an active activity that is taking place daily.
It’s not because I prioritise anything else over my baby. Nor is it because I blame her for my muffin top (that was the fault of many-a-doughnut!). And it’s certainly not because I deny her anything.
I’m a selfish mother because I want her to need me
And she totally doesn’t.
Don’t worry – I’m not going to prattle on about it again.
Long story short, she’s fiercely independent. She adores her father and spending time with everyone in her family. She’ll squirm until she’s facing outwards when you carry her and she won’t give you a cuddle. From an early age, she stopped sleeping on us and preferred to nap in her cot. She can be left with anyone she knows for any length of time and she’s not phased at all.
Although, strangely, she’s very wary of strangers and is prone to tears if they scare her.
But all in all, she’s pretty much a relaxed, happy baby.
So why does this bother me?
The selfish mother in me craves attention. Yep, I’m attention-seeking from my baby.
But recently I’ve realised how destructive that need could turn out to be. You see, as parents, we are supposed to guide the way for our children. Be their strength when they need a boost. Their guide when they can’t quite find their way.
If I’m spending all my time trying to make her want her mummy, I’m diminishing that authority. I’m becoming the needy baby.
And that’s the selfish part. It’s not fair on my little one if I become a pushover just so she likes me. Of course, with a face as cute as hers, I’m sure she’ll get away with murder anyway. But letting her do what she wants purely so she ‘loves’ mummy more will just confuse her in the long-run.
I don’t want my daughter to feel like she can’t leave my side. I don’t want her to be unkind, unruly or plain spoilt. A balance is all I’m after.
So I’m sucking it up
As I’m writing this, she’s starting to get a bit more cuddly.
She reaches out to give me sloppy, open-mouth kisses every-so-often and occasionally she looks at me just to check something is OK. At least, I like to think she does.
But as I’ve already mentioned (in a massive blog post obvs) I’m going away with my sister later this month.
If she was a clingy baby, that would be impossible! So there are huge upsides to her being so relaxed. And I guess that leaving my baby girl for 4 days to go sun it up in Majorca could also be counted as selfish.
So technically, I can’t really escape it the ‘selfish mother’ title anyway.
At least if she misses me while I’m gone, then I can snuggle her in my selfish arms when I get back!
Have you ever realised that you were being selfish with your children? Let me know in the comments below!